So, in my time of trying to learn how to blog and make my hobby of writing into an actual profession, I have taken courses and learned many things. The biggest thing I have learned is that when you write, you need to address a pain point. You need to meet a need in other people, whether it be a physical or emotional one, something needs to be satisfied in the person reading your post. That’s what draws them in and makes them come back for more of your blog, your input, you.
Well, I won’t be doing that today folks. ? Cause I don’t have an answer for what I am writing about today. It’s simply a struggle. It’s my own pain point, and I don’t know how it can be satisfied. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the answer to EVERYTHING, is Jesus. And He is the answer to this too. But even still, knowing the answer, and actually applying it or even knowing how to apply it to your own problem, can be a drastically different and difficult process. So that’s kind of where I am, and maybe it’s where you are too. That’s why I’m writing this right now; not because I can fix anything, but because maybe someone else needs to know they’re not alone in their struggle that they just can’t shake. But hey, Jesus is still the answer for you too, friend. We just gotta figure this out together.
So, what the heck am I even talking about, right? Well, the short answer I guess would be fear. Anxiety. The battle I have everyday with my own mind. I really don’t even know what to say about it. I don’t know what to type, I don’t know what to express or relay to you to let you in on how this is for me everyday. I can probably guarantee that anyone reading this right now is thinking, “What is this girl even talking about?”. Well, I am rambling. Can you ramble in writing? Cause that’s what I am doing. Ha! Side note: to all the grammar police out there, don’t even bother reading this post. You. Will. Die. ? Cause your girl ain’t paying attention to NONE OF THAT right now. ?
Anyway, I digress. Guys, I’m sorry. I wish I had something that was just this beautiful portrayal of God’s goodness and glory in overcoming this ugly thing in me, but right now, that’s just not the case. Not that God’s goodness and glory isn’t there, and not that His goodness and glory can’t overcome the fear that I’ve allowed to overtake my mind and really, my life. Because He can overcome. He HAS overcome. I just have to allow His love to do the work in me that He has graciously offered to do. It’s just. so. hard. Not because I don’t want to be freed from this, and not because I don’t TRY to be freed from this. Though that’s just it too. It isn’t as much about me TRYING as it is me just letting go and actually letting the power of God’s love remove this fear from my life! It’s just been a part of me for so long. It’s like I don’t know how to even go about my life in the freedom and peace God has truly put before me. I know it’s there, but I can’t seem to grasp it. It’s like sitting in an open prison cell. The door is open, but yet I’ve become accustomed to where I am and how I’ve lived, it’s almost scarier to leave. To let go. To lose the remote resemblance of control I have allowed fear to trick me into thinking I have. But we know that simply isn’t the case. We are not in control. You are not in control. I am not in control. Only God. He has full control of the reigns here. But I think that’s often where the struggle lies. The battle between letting go and trusting God’s goodness, and wanting to feel like we’re in control and we know what’s going to happen.
That’s what fear feeds off of, ya know? The unknown. But, as I try to continually remind myself, there is NOTHING UNKNOWN to God. Just because it’s unknown to me, doesn’t mean anything will ever take God by surprise. It won’t. He’s got it all under control. I just have to trust Him. Even as I write this, I think to myself, “Wow. That sounds so easy.. why do I make this so hard on myself?” But I know all to well, in the throes of fear and anxiety rushing in, the Devil is cunning and is effective. Overall, he sucks. But he knows what he’s doing.
So, I ask you a favor, friends. Pray for me. This is my constant struggle, and TBH, I’m OVER it. This post is just me putting it out there to say hey, this sucks, but I know it can get better. I know it WILL get better. I just need more Jesus. Thanks to all who read through this crazy, VERY RAMBLY post. ? But I’m just trying to be real with y’all! And if there is ever anything YOU need prayer for, I’m here. God’s got this, and we can all get through the storms and struggles of this life, together. ❤️
“A person standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer. Three are even better, for a triple-braided cord is not easily broken.” Ecclesiastes 4:12 NLT